If You Are So Inclined
Why simply take things lying down when you can accept your awful fate sitting up at a more comfortable angle?Bad news, man. Turns out that Roger at work wasn't the cool, friendly, trustworthy pal you thought he was. Yeah, it seems he was just using you and your penchant for completing his overdue projects and covering for him in meetings until he found an opportunity to throw you under the bus, get you fired, and take your position. Apparently, that opportunity came this morning. Sorry, yo.
Sure, I guess you could crawl off of your 18"-high Aerobed Inclining Mattress and do something about it. You could storm in there, take Roger to task for the secret liquor stash in his desk or for being the real father of the boss's infant son, but why bother? He's probably planned for that way in advance, and the Aerobed's soft-touch top is so darn comfy! Seems like a waste of time to me.
Oh, and I heard your wife decided she'd had enough of you. Took the kids, the car, and most of the furniture while you were out yesterday. Bummer, big guy. A stronger, more confident fella might rush out to find them, you know? Prove that her mother's wrong about you being timid and complacent when things get tough.
But then again, Anderson Cooper's going to have funny cats on his daytime show, and you did go through all the trouble of pressing a button to elevate yourself enough to see the tiny TV she left on a milk crate. She's probably happier without you, anyway, and good for her. She deserves it. She can go about her new exciting life without you, and you can continue hiding from a cold, uncaring world on your Queen-sized Aerobed Inclining Mattress. Maybe when you get your life back together, the kids can come over and sleep on their own Twin-sized Aerobeds, too. If you can work up the gumption to actually do that. Which, frankly, is probably going to be really difficult and maybe not worth the effort.
Uh, oh. Looks like the outlet the TV was plugged into just fizzled and caught fire. The whole wall will probably be ablaze in a minute of two. It'd probably be best to jump up and put that out before it engulfs the whole house. Still, maybe it'd be even better just to deflate the bed, throw it in its carry case, and go out to the yard until the firemen show up. Yeah, that seems easier.
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